Defined

Wild yellow roses are...wild yellow roses.
How much are we defined by who we are?

How important is it that I was born out
on the remote ranch of Salt Gulch by a
midwife grandpa crushing my head by instruments?
Was that an important defining moment?
How am I to know?

My dad drank heavily. My uncles too.
When one uncle talked to spirits, I believed him
having seen a spirit myself leaving from his home
into the stars. Was that when his spirits and mine
intertwined and were real? He was crazy, and so was I?
When two sisters followed him into the mental hospital
stressed by life and life and life...many defining moments,
I thought that I would too. They came out, shocked at
being committed. I walked with them toward freedom.

I married the school rebel..who smokes like Dad..
who turned out to be not the rebel I thought,
I am more one than he. So he tries to hold down me.
We have four children, so precious and rare.
That holds my heart in their hands.
Each one carved defining moments for me.
They have children, my grand-children,
that are moments and moments and moments
for me.

I became a school teacher like my aunt..who was
practical in many ways. It is a good life, teaching kids.
They are endlessly entertaining, creative, energetic,
absorbing life and fun and joy.
I expanded my range. I enjoyed the moment.
I lived to enjoy. But I taught in a school that was sick.
My town abounds with fresh air and sunshine,
but the ventilation system to conserve heat cut off
that fresh air and we all suffered.

I was healthy and strong, so was shocked to learn
I had a rare pancreatic disease that had destroyed
my pancreas. It needed to be removed. The problem is so rare
that it's cause is unknown. From birth? From
growing up stressed? From a sick building?
Pancreas and spleen was removed and I was sent home
to live with diabetes on pig enzeyms.
I can do that...millions have diabetes.
As I grow older...72 now...I think of that operation
as a defining moment. A chunk of me gone,
affecting me in many, many ways.

We are defined by birth, by marriage, by children,
by health, by vocation, by spirit, by life
and most important by love.
Love in all its depth
its endless change
defines the moment of each day.
I am defined by love.